after constantly going through huge outbursts of anger for the smallest reasons, huge amounts of casual sex, massive spending sprees which make me feel terrible...
after always pushing away my family and then crying when they aren't there for me....
after a ridiculous amount of short intense relationships which usually end because i get scared of being hurt and rejected as soon as they leave my sight, leading to paranoid msgs and in general it all blowing up in my face.....
after huge amounts of time spent feeling empty and alone even when im with my closest friends or family and should be having a great time....
i FINALLY decided enough was enough and i didnt want to live this way anymore and went to see a psychologist.... and after 5 weeks, and another ruined mini relationship, he gave me an unofficial diagnosis of BPD.
It feels good to find out my problems are all connected, and have a name, and that someone wants to help me and can teach me real techniques to deal with it. To hear someone say im not just doing this because im an idiot, or selfish, or spoilt and that i cant just stop it that easily like i always thought i could. I always felt like a failure, like i had no self control over my life and just could never get things right. Its good to know other people are going through what im going through.
i just wish i hadnt wasted so long trying to deal with it myself, but at least i can start to deal with it now
1 comment:
Good for you RJW. It's never too late to get well
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