My brother died recently.... and yes THAT hurts... an additional pain to add some strength to all the shit i already feel inside. more on that one later i suppose, when i feel up to explaining that long drawn out horror story.
But since being told by my therapist about BPD, something i'd never heard of before, i suddenly see that i'm not infact a selfish, bitchy, narky, angry person by choice. Those are words he used to call me all the time. We fought like hungry dogs, biting and snapping and snarling. But we were still close and loved each other no matter what shit we put each other through. Now all i can think about is how much i want to tell him about the disorder, explain to him i'm sorry for never getting help earlier. Tell him i do love and appreciate him.
Fuck.... it hurts.
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